It's so easy for me to joke around about stuff because as my dad used to say - "would you rather I cry?" Everyone is congratulating me for being so strong, what choice do I have? What fucking sense would it make to hide under my covers and say "OH MY GOD I'm PROBABLY GOING TO HAVE BRAIN SURGERY!! OH MY GOD!! EEEK!!"
Just when I start thinking about how crap this year is ending up – I remind myself of how absolutely fantastic bits of 2006 were.
And then on Thanksgiving I got into the car accident. It's pointless to question why I was in a car with that idiot at that time – in the rain – when I should have been with my mom helping her cook. Everything happens for a reason, right? And if I wasn't in the accident I wouldn't have gone for a CAT scan and I never would have found out I have brain lemonade. Is it better that I never found out and one day just dropped the fuck dead of a brain hemorrhage??
I keep saying this but I'm really very blessed to have my friends. It sucks that it takes something traumatic like this to make me realize how much I am loved (yes, I doubted that!) – and that's what's giving me some of the strength not to have a nervous fucking breakdown like I feel I should. That and blasting Motorhead at a perversely loud volume.
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