Doctor What

Today I went to a real doctor. Do you know how I know it was a real doctor? No one in the waiting room was eating a bucket of Extra Crispy and complaining their leg was going to fall off.

Seriously – I went to my family's GP – this guy treats my mom, my jackass brother, and helped me dad. That's all the recommendation I needed. He tested my pressure, did a quick neurological exam which was – banging a little hammer on my knees and elbows, asking me to stick my tongue in three different directions (keep all jokes to yourself please), touching my toes, I think that was it. He asked me if I had strabismus my whole life – which was a lot more professional then DR. Kevorkian who said "What's with your eyes?"!! He shined a bright light into my eyes and said he didn't see any evidence of cranial pressure. When I had told him Dr. Kevorkian told me OVER The phone what was "wrong" – he said "That is a direct violation of the new HIPA laws". Yep. I knew that. He also said, "There are a lot of unethical things going on with that place…." Yep, knew that too. He said it sounded like they were just trying to make money off me – and it all sounds like a scam. Again – I knew that but it was nice to hear it from a professional. He referred me to a reputable place to have my CAT scan results re-evaluated.

I'm already having trouble with the shady place I went to last week for the scan. I called them when I got home and asked for the actual film, the actual CAT scan which I as the patient am entitled to by law. The Russian receptionist was very nice but she told me that they can only give that out with a doctor's referral – which I have. I even offered to fax it to them but that was apparently unacceptable. I refrained from using the two Russian curses that I know, hung up, and called my qualified DR. back. His office took the name, number and fax number of the shady place and told me they would take care of it. So that's where I'm at now. The real doctor thought it was hysterical that I told him I have brain lemonade, I told him I had to make a joke out of this whole thing because it's just so fucking ridiculous. He also told me that I may just have excess fluid on my brain that I've just had my whole life and these morons that were reading my test results had no idea what they were looking at and automatically BOOM I'm a peanuts character.